Caregivers and care receivers...

I want to put out something for the ones who give care to a loved one, whether spouse, parent, child or friend. The job of being a care giver is one that often times becomes a thankless and frustrating task. To think that someone who needs care could become demanding, argumentative, sometimes even verbally abusive wasn't in the contract that caregivers signed on. It is particularly difficult when the one being cared for doesn't even realize that they have changed more than they know. There are times when the caregiver can fall into a trap of feeling sorry for themselves, anger at the care receiver, "oh, the unfairness of it all...". I want to say that I understand those feelings. BUT, one thing that I know, LIFE IS NOT FAIR. Some people live reasonably healthy lives and then die. Some people have problems from the time of birth until they die. Not fair. It isn't fair to the ones afflicted or the ones who must do the caring. The biggest thing that can come from the unfairness of problems is the knowledge that we still have a choice about what we do in the face of the "unfairness". What kinds of methods do we employ when we find out something has gone wrong? The libs seem to think that "victimhood" is the primary and justifiable response. How should we respond instead? Stiff upper lip? "Everything is just fine, thanks."? "Please help me, I am stuck with this problem."? "Oh woe is me, nobody knows the trouble I've seen."? In the twenty plus years that my wife has struggled with MS, two things have helped both of us cope, HUMOR and tons of it, and a recognition that each day is a gift that should be cherished. Have we been able to maintain those two things at all times? Are you kidding? No way, but we get up and go on, finding new ways to work together and in that way we give care to and receive care from each other.